Last night at practice one of the Color Guard girls collapsed. I was the first adult to reach her. I watched her take about 4 to 5 breaths in a 5 minute period. After she took her last breath one of the parents that just happened to be there and just happens to be an ER nurse started CPR.
EMTs reached us finally and worked with her for a while and loaded her up to take her to the hospital.
Once some of the adults reached the hospital we were taken into a room and told that she had passed away. The EMTs had worked on her all the way to hospital, but they were unable to revive her.
This morning I went to the school to be there for the kids. Not something I was looking forward to this morning. It was amazing to see how much these kids support each other.
That is twice I have seen someone take their last breath. Both images I will never get out of my head.
The band wants to go to the football game tomorrow, but the band director has said it is too soon. I wish we would go.
Please keep this young lady's family in your prayers as well as the band.
Labels: grief
Saturday we went to a college football game where my team lost, it sucked. Anyway, we were out until 1 a.m. I can't remember the last time that happened. I'm really getting old.
Sunday was pretty normal with a nap that I don't usually get to take. Especially during the semester.
Monday I only had one class. The second was cancelled. I did visit the career fair which was a huge bust. Anyone looking for an accountant?
Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I thought maybe it was just something that would go away when I drank something. No luck. Now my nose is all snuffy (that's how weeman says it) and I can't breathe. Great, I guess it is snot season in my house.
Labels: me
Daddy and brother talk about you all the time. I'm glad that we have you to watch over brother. You know, that's a big brother's job.
You brought a joy to my life that I didn't know was possible. You made me smile with the "sunglasses" you wore. You were so small that they were too big for your head. I only have a few pictures of you and yet I cherish each one. They are all I have know.
I look forward to the day I get to hold you. When you can look into my eyes and I know that you love me. I miss that we didn't want more time together.
Happy Birthday my sweet angel.
Labels: grief
Don't ask me why I was watching it. It was on and I couldn't get to sleep. At some point in the movie the main character gets very upset about the death of her mother. I'm a very sensitive person and I started crying. Seriously? Over this movie?
While I was trying to stop crying I realized that I was upset that I was not in Boston. Not because I want to be, but because my little boy is going to need me and I'm not there. I'm sure he is wondering why I'm not there. The idea is that he will get all dressed up in a tuxedo and walk down the aisle all by himself in front of a bunch of people he doesn't know.
Four years ago when I was in Boston at this exact time my other little boy needed me and there was nothing I could do. I swore that I would never do that again. That I would be there when my children needed me. When I realized I would not be there for him when he needed me, I lost it. Will he ever forgive me? Will he trust that I will be here to take care of him?
My final realization was that this whole thing was not my fault. I asked them to consider moving the wedding. That was 19 months before the date. I was told that decisions had been made so they didn't feel like they could move it. (They hadn't spent any money yet.) Now, I'm not saying that the fact that I'm not there is anyone's fault. It's just that I need to make sure I take care of myself.
I think it's just time for him to come home.
The one that looks like pilot wings? Well, click on it. It will take you to a website where you can donate to my RIDE.
My father and I will be riding his motorcycle to support the March of Dimes. This is something I have wanted to do for a couple of years. I finally talked him into it this year. We ride October 8. That gives me a month to raise $1000. Please tell all of your blogging friends.
I promise to send you a car magnet if you donate at least $5. What do you say? Will you help? Preemies need your help.
Labels: prematurity, WalkAmerica