How softly you tiptoed into my world, so silently, only a moment you stayed, but what an imprint your footsteps have left upon my heart.
Last night I had a breakdown. For some reason when everyone is gone I have a hard time getting to sleep. So after the football game I watched Save the Last Dance.

Don't ask me why I was watching it. It was on and I couldn't get to sleep. At some point in the movie the main character gets very upset about the death of her mother. I'm a very sensitive person and I started crying. Seriously? Over this movie?

While I was trying to stop crying I realized that I was upset that I was not in Boston. Not because I want to be, but because my little boy is going to need me and I'm not there. I'm sure he is wondering why I'm not there. The idea is that he will get all dressed up in a tuxedo and walk down the aisle all by himself in front of a bunch of people he doesn't know.

Four years ago when I was in Boston at this exact time my other little boy needed me and there was nothing I could do. I swore that I would never do that again. That I would be there when my children needed me. When I realized I would not be there for him when he needed me, I lost it. Will he ever forgive me? Will he trust that I will be here to take care of him?

My final realization was that this whole thing was not my fault. I asked them to consider moving the wedding. That was 19 months before the date. I was told that decisions had been made so they didn't feel like they could move it. (They hadn't spent any money yet.) Now, I'm not saying that the fact that I'm not there is anyone's fault. It's just that I need to make sure I take care of myself.

I think it's just time for him to come home.

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