How softly you tiptoed into my world, so silently, only a moment you stayed, but what an imprint your footsteps have left upon my heart.
Some People
(Let me apologize before you start for the length of this post.)

I' m not even sure where to begin this post. I guess it is best to start at the beginning.

I spent Monday evening at the hospital until 12:45 am with my best friend while she held her son as he passed away. I wasn't in the room with them. I was in the waiting room. You might wonder why I stayed that long. I have been there. I lost a son. I held him while he passed away. I made the same decisions she and her husband made. I knew what needed to be done. I stayed, because that's what friends do.

And even though I climbed into bed and argued with my husband until 2 about going to work the next day, I was at work on time the next day. I was saddened by what had happened. I read Queen's blog and saw that she didn't want any phone calls or visits except for family. Did that include me? I was kind of family the night before. No. I'm not family. I would just wait for her to call me if she needed me.

(A side note: Queen and I are a lot alike. We have done a lot of the same things. We think a lot of the same things. We can finish each other's sentences. It's kind of scary. So when she says no calls I know she means it.)

My plan was to make sure that Queen was taken care of through the memorial service and after party (that's what she called it) that took place. I had promised her mother that I would do just that.

Now here is where it gets sticky. Queen is well liked. Probably more so than I am. She is a little more extroverted than I am and has worked at the company we work for much longer than I have. She has a friend, I will call her Julie, that I believe is quite jealous of our relationship and I think she is holier than thou. It about killed her that there was nothing she could do to help. She kept asking me. I had not heard from Queen yet, so there was nothing to do. When I finally heard from Queen and tried to take care of what she needed I inadvertently mentioned it to Julie and she took care of called Queen and then went by the house to drop off some stuff. (No phone calls, no visits remember?)

No big deal. I'll let it go. Queen called me the next day with some tentative arrangements for a memorial service. Nothing in stone. I didn't mention it to anyone because I didn't want to get the word out and things change. When Julie found out I knew something and had not told anyone she got upset with me. Geez. It was only tentative. Later that day she called Queen to see what was going on. (No phone call, no visits remember?)

Our company had decided we wanted to provide the meal for the family following the service. Great. Julie wanted to do something to help. This would be a great help. I have a dentist appointment that morning. My husband wants us to go together. I can get to the service a little early and watch for Queen and make sure she is okay from the time she arrives through the rest of the day.

I received a phone call late in the day asking if I would come by the building and pick up the cold food and take it to the house before the service, the rest of the food will be taken to the family at the cemetery. OMG!!! You do not take the food to the family. You take it to the house. You have it ready when they get there. What happened to all the people that were going to help? Screw it, I will pick up all the food, take it to the house, set it up the best I can and then go to the service.

I picked up the food at work at 9:10 am. Thank God for Naomi's help. We hurried to the house. We arrived there at 10:10 and I knew I need to leave there at 10:15 to make it for the 11:00 service. We put the food out the best that we could. Julie had told me that she would leave as soon as the service was over and set up whatever was left. I left the house at 10:40.

I knew I would never make it on time. I was not exactly sure where I was going. I drove around for 50 minutes. I stopped an asked for directions. I had to call my mom to calm me down. I should have been at the service and I wasn't there yet. My dad called and the family was already there. Where do I go when I get there? He told me. Where is this place? I'm really good with directions. Why can't I find this place God?

My husband called at 11:30.

Heather: Is it over?

Ken: Yes

I cried hysterically. The one thing I had promised and I wasn't able to do it. I missed the ENTIRE SERVICE. I had to call my mother to calm me down. The only other time I felt like I had let someone down this bad was when my son passed away.

I headed back to the house and began warming things and finishing the preparations. Julie showed up after half of the family had gotten there. I was upset and pissed. There was not much that could be said. She came to me to say Happy Birthday and I barely acknowledged her. She wanted to know if I was mad and I said no. She then wanted to get into a discussion about the whole thing. After saying this was not the time or the place she stomped off.

I found out later that she had "taken over" at the funeral. She was flitting around, making announcements. Doing things that I might have been doing. Queen wanted me to read Caleb's favorite story. I couldn't because I had missed the entire service. My husband read it instead.

I think that either subconsciously or consciously (consciously is the consensus so far) that Julie wanted me to take the food to the house so I would be late and she could be the person at the service.

Some people.