How softly you tiptoed into my world, so silently, only a moment you stayed, but what an imprint your footsteps have left upon my heart.
What did you say?
Yesterday I had to go to the doctor for my yearly exam. Sounds like fun, huh? I look forward to it all year. ;) When the doctor walked into the room it was not the person I had made the appointment with. That kind of caught me off guard, but I'm used to being seen by whoever so it was no big deal. He and I talked about some problems I am having and then I talked about trying to get pregnant next year. We talked about coming off of some of the meds I'm on before we start trying. He never did tell me when to stop taking my birth control pills. When he finished the exam he told me to get dressed and left the room.

I was mad at myself because I hadn't asked about delivering at a particular hospital. He came back with my prescription. I asked if they only delivered at the local hospital. He said yes and wanted to know why I had asked. I told him I didn't want to deliver there. He said, "Why? Because of your past bad experience?" Past bad experience? Is that what you call the death of a child? I explained that I wanted to be at a hospital with a Level 3 NICU. He tried to convince me that the local hospital was a fine place to give birth. In three months it would have a new women's' center. The only thing a level 3 NICU did that the others didn't was perform surgery. Well, my first son needed surgery. I watched my best friend travel back and forth from hospitals as her son needed surgery. I don't want to move my child back and forth. He wanted to know what would happen if I didn't need the NICU. No one knows what will happen. Who would have thought I would have needed it the first time. I have yet to carry a child to full term.

By the time I got to my car I was so mad I was in tears. I felt like the doctor was totally non-chalant about me losing a child. I'm sure he doesn't totally understand, but I'm sure he has dealt with women who have lost children before. I hope that is not how he treats all of his patients that way. When I got home my mom said I should have gone back in and talked to his supervisor. When I told my husband he said I was basically overreacting. Yesterday just pretty much sucked.