I love Christmas. Absolutely love it. I love everything about it. The anticipation, the excitement, shopping in the hustle and bustle. I even loved working retail during the Christmas season. In fact, it was my favorite time of the year to work. I no longer work in retail and when I'm out shopping during this season I try to be as nice as possible to those working.
For some reason though, I'm just not in the spirit this year. At first I thought it was because it was 80 degrees here. Yes, 80 degrees. IN DECEMBER!! Then I thought it was because I was in the middle of finals and getting ready to graduate. (I did. That's another post.) Even after all of that was finished, I'm still having a hard time finding the spirit.
I think I have finally figured it out. I miss my angel. It's been four years and for some reason this year is harder than any other year. I haven't told anyone about this yet and I'm not even sure I could explain it. I think one of the reasons I am having such a hard time is that wee man has figured Christmas out. He understands Santa and all the presents. He knows what letter his name starts with now, so he can find his presents.
My angel would be a year older than wee man. Knowing that he will never get to enjoy Christmas and that I will never get to see the joy and excitement on his face leaves me with a deep sadness. When this feeling comes over me I am amazed. Amazed that I can still feel like this after four years. Amazed because I have no idea where the feeling comes from. Amazed that after only 11 days I could love someone so much.
I know that I just have to keep moving and eventually the feelings will subside. I just hate being in this funk and smiling my way through the day even though I don't feel like. I don't want to take anything away from wee man this season. I want to be able to enjoy his awe and wonderment of the season.
For some reason though, I'm just not in the spirit this year. At first I thought it was because it was 80 degrees here. Yes, 80 degrees. IN DECEMBER!! Then I thought it was because I was in the middle of finals and getting ready to graduate. (I did. That's another post.) Even after all of that was finished, I'm still having a hard time finding the spirit.
I think I have finally figured it out. I miss my angel. It's been four years and for some reason this year is harder than any other year. I haven't told anyone about this yet and I'm not even sure I could explain it. I think one of the reasons I am having such a hard time is that wee man has figured Christmas out. He understands Santa and all the presents. He knows what letter his name starts with now, so he can find his presents.
My angel would be a year older than wee man. Knowing that he will never get to enjoy Christmas and that I will never get to see the joy and excitement on his face leaves me with a deep sadness. When this feeling comes over me I am amazed. Amazed that I can still feel like this after four years. Amazed because I have no idea where the feeling comes from. Amazed that after only 11 days I could love someone so much.
I know that I just have to keep moving and eventually the feelings will subside. I just hate being in this funk and smiling my way through the day even though I don't feel like. I don't want to take anything away from wee man this season. I want to be able to enjoy his awe and wonderment of the season.