It has been three weeks since my bil passed away. I have wanted to send my mil an email to be supportive. I have no idea what to say. I'm not new to grief mind you. I just don't know how to deal with her. I feel like she was trying to make us feel guilty about living near my family but being 1000 miles away from them. I'm not sorry for where we decided to live. I did what I felt was best for me when my son died. It has turned out to be a great decision. But, still...what do you say to someone who thrives on crisis and misery to help them move forward through their grief? I know that I can't tell her how to grieve and I would never try to, but I feel like I should do something. Any suggestions?
Dh is not doing so well either. He has never been one to talk about his feelings and that is exactly what he is doing. He's not talking. We talked the other morning about me being more sympathetic. I'm having a hard time with that because dh and his brother were not best buds while we were married. His response was that maybe that's why he is having a hard time with his brother's death. He said he should have been best buds with his brother. Brother had a lot of problems. When we were first married we tried to help. He moved in with us and I feel like he took advantage of us. We finally had to ask him to leave. It was tough love. Throughout the next 10 years we had to use tough love with him. We felt that's what was best for him and for us.
I don't know how to help him. I really think he should talk to someone that is more qualified than me. He just needs to work through the feelings he is having toward his brother. He could also use some time working with the issues with his mother, but I don't think anyone has that kind of time.
I hate grief. We've had too much of it in our family to be this young. It makes me feel really old.
Dh is not doing so well either. He has never been one to talk about his feelings and that is exactly what he is doing. He's not talking. We talked the other morning about me being more sympathetic. I'm having a hard time with that because dh and his brother were not best buds while we were married. His response was that maybe that's why he is having a hard time with his brother's death. He said he should have been best buds with his brother. Brother had a lot of problems. When we were first married we tried to help. He moved in with us and I feel like he took advantage of us. We finally had to ask him to leave. It was tough love. Throughout the next 10 years we had to use tough love with him. We felt that's what was best for him and for us.
I don't know how to help him. I really think he should talk to someone that is more qualified than me. He just needs to work through the feelings he is having toward his brother. He could also use some time working with the issues with his mother, but I don't think anyone has that kind of time.
I hate grief. We've had too much of it in our family to be this young. It makes me feel really old.
Labels: grief