Angel's Fight

Is it over yet?

2008-06-16T13:49:00.002-04:00

It has been one long week. I wasn't very good about dieting. And after being cat called at while walking, I decided dh should go with me. Guess who doesn't want to walk with me.

So, I promised you an update every Monday so you all could keep me accountable. Here goes:

Weight loss: 2lbs
Days left: 249

Goal for this week: Lose 2 more pounds, Walk at least 4 days, drink more water

I found this cool 8 oz bottle of water with a sports cap on it. I thought I would take one to work each day and then fill it up all day. I'm not a big water drinker and a small 8 oz bottle is not as daunting as the liter bottle dh tried to get me to bring. I thought drinking 6 or 8 of those little bottles would be ideal. When I drank the first bottle I realized that the caps are not made to come off. MAN!!!

None instead of one

2008-06-13T07:42:00.004-04:00

I have been trying for two weeks to get an order from Dr. K to get the tubal cannulization. At my last appointment he said he thought it was a good idea to at least give it aa try. He only works in the office I visit on Thursdays so I was waiting until yesterday to hear. When I hadn't heard anything by 2 o'clock, I decided I would call.

Dr. K called me about 45 minutes later. He said he had looked at my x-rays again and thought there were also problems with my right tube. He thought it looked swollen may possibly have some adhesions. Then he asked whose idea it was to have the cannulization. I started to chuckle a little. I said, "Umm. Your's." His tune kind of changed then and he said we should give it a try.

So basically I'm now having trouble with both tubes. We're going to try and make sure at least one of them is open and functioning properly. After the test, he wants me to go back and talk to him. I can't have the test until my cycle starts. Maybe that won't happen and all this talk will be for naught. Hmm, that would be nice.

And so it begins

2008-06-11T13:39:00.003-04:00

No, I'm still not pregnant. And no, we still haven't decided what to do. BUT I did want to let you know that I have started working out in order to lose some weight. Big deal you might be thinking. For the girl that has spent most of her life in front of a TV, it is.

I decided a couple of weeks ago to set a couple of goals for myself. I was going to share them with blog world but then I came down with bronchitis. You know how you want whatever you want when you're sick? That's what I was doing. Chocolate? Sure why not. Cheetos? Yum. How I've missed you. And so, I decided to wait until I was better.

Your job, oh dear internet, is to keep me accountable to meeting these goals.

Weight loss: 43 lbs (That would put me at my pre-pregnancy weight-4 years and still trying)
Goal date: 20 Feb 09 (the day before we leave for our next cruise)
Reports: Every Monday
Caveat: If I get pregnant, I don't want to gain more than 25lbs

So my effort began yesterday. I walked about 1.5 miles. I'm not sure exactly because I haven't mapped it yet. I hope to add about a half mile every week until I'm walking 3 miles a day. We'll see how that goes and if I need to do anything differently.

If you have any weight loss suggestions, I'd be happy to read them. Just be nice.

Money, Money, Money, Money

2008-05-31T08:28:00.004-04:00

First, let me apologize for not posting after my doctor's appointment Thursday. I was a little upset and came home with a migraine. It was actually day six of my migraine. Last night I was at my nephew's high school graduation. So, I've left you all hanging, but not because I meant to. I'm sorry.

The doctor confirmed that I have a blocked tube. He said it could have been because I was cramping and the muscled spasmed or it could have been that it is actually blocked. Like I said earlier, because of that we only have a chance of getting pregnant every other month. We just don't know what months those are.

So with that said, these are the options he laid out for us.
1. Do nothing. That's what we've been doing and it hasn't worked so far.
2. Take clomid. The cost for that would be the cost of the medicine. Then we're supposed to have correctly timed intercourse. His words not mine.
3. Take clomid. Get a shot of FSH. I am supposed to have a couple of ultrasounds to make sure the clomid is not thinning the wall of the my uterus. Then I would get a shot of HCG. Then have correctly timed intercourse. This would cost about $500.
4. Do all of number 3. Then have dh's sperm washed (that gives me visions of the doctor holding one little sperm in between his fingers and holding it under the kitchen faucet) and inserted into my uterus. (IUI) The cost of this one is $1000. There is an 18% of getting pregnant and a 20% chance of having multiples.
Do you see a pattern forming?
5. In-vitro fertilization. (IVF) This cost between $12,000 and $15,000. This would give us a 50-60% chance of getting pregnant with a lower chance of multiples.

6. Try to unblock my tube with a procedure similar to the HSG. Would probably be covered by insurance and may or may not unblock the tube.

I called my insurance company to see what kind of infertility treatments they covered. That would be none. Nada. It would all come out of our pockets.

So we are left to make a decision. What do we do? Do we take the jump and spend all or our money? I thought we didn't have the money until dh reminded me about a mutual fund we have. I don't know what to do. I know what I would do if money were no object, but that's only in a perfect world. We are military and I thought they might cover it, but no on that one too. I did talk to my brother who is military and his wife is an orthopedic PA. She talked to me a while about it and my brother said he would think about our money situation. He used to work for the Surgeon General of the Army. He knows people.

I have not told anyone else in our families. I'm not looking forward to all of the questions every day.

So that's where we are. We're still trying to make a decision. Any suggestions are gladly accepted. We are also taking donations. Let me know if you want to send us some money.

We Roll Every Other Month

2008-05-28T07:50:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I suffered through a test I would prefer to never have again. This test I had was a hysterosalpingogram. I still can't pronounce it so I call it by it's abbreviation, HSG. Basically I laid down an a table and hiked my legs up while they inserted a speculum then a catheter into my cervix. After it was inserted they blew up a tiny balloon so that it wouldn't fall out. The radiologist said I would feel a little pressure. Really doc? It felt like my insides were going to come out. Then he pushed some contrast into my uterus and took a series of pictures. They also look to see if the contrast goes through the tubes and spills into the abdomen. He turned me from side to side while he took pictures.

I thought it was pretty bad. They kept telling me to take deep breaths during the test. Kind of like when you have a contraction and you're told to breathe through it. When I got back to work I told my bff about it but said she probably had it worse when she had her cerclage. She said nope, she had a spinal for her cerclage and couldn't feel anything from the waist down. Not fair.

When he was done he said that it looked like one of my tubes is blocked. At this point I don't know exactly what that means. I mean, I know that means that I'm only able to conceive every other month with the good tube. My next doctor's appointment is Thursday morning. Hopefully we will get a plan of action then.

I still have not told my family what we are doing. I slipped a couple of weeks ago before I went to my first appointment and my mom asked me a hundred questions. I just don't want to have to tell her every time she asks that I don't know what is going on. I don't know when I will tell them what is going on. Any assvice would be appreciated.

I will continue to post my story here as long as you all are willing to read. I hope that someday I am able to help someone who is going through the same thing.

On another note, I am planning on moving this blog. Before I do, I would like a new name for the site. I started this site as a resource for others going through the preemie and NICU roller coaster, but it really has been about that so I don't think the name fits. Let me know what you think the new name should be.

Economy Stimulation

2008-05-26T21:21:00.005-04:00

Friday: Trip to Lowe's to buy supplies to paint weeman's new room

Saturday: Ate out for two meals. Second trip to Lowe's for a new patio umbrella. (Darn storms snapped my last one.) Also bought a new grill cover.

Sunday: Breakfast out. (Weekend tradition) Bought food for Memorial Day and for graduation party for nephew.

Monday: Trip to hospital for lab work. Visited Gymboree, Ann Taylor Loft, and Pottery Barn Kids. Bought new bedroom furniture for weeman. Used tax rebate check to buy furniture.

This is the collection, but in a different color. Looked at an external hard drive. Didn't buy it because dh didn't like the sale price. Took third trip to Lowe's with mom to buy a new glider. Between you and me, it's too big for her screened in porch. Five bucks she returns it next weekend.

I believe we did our part to stimulate the economy. Your turn!!

Tuesday I will start the day out with a trip to the hospital to have my HSG. Apparently we have to make sure all of my parts are okay. Thursday we go back to see the doctor. I wonder what he will decide to do.

A Month of Doctors

2008-05-18T21:07:00.003-04:00

May 17 started another cycle. That means I'm still not pregnant. Tomorrow I will be going in for an ultrasound. I can't remember what they're looking for. I think it has something to do with my ovaries. Sometime in the next 10 days they will take x-rays of my uterus. Again, still not sure what they're looking for. By the end of the month I will have had 4 doctor's appointments.

I'm really hesitant to write about all of this because my sil reads here and I don't want the whole family asking a million questions.

The nice thing about all of this is that just about everyone I know is pregnant and due sometime in the next 3 months. And this weekend we went to a festival in town and apparently it was baby's day out for most people. While I love seeing all of the babies, it still makes me ache.

When I know more, I will let you what is going on. (And as I think about it, I don't care that my sil is reading. I need to make sure I have a record of what happened through all of this.)

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T11:44:00.002-04:00

To everyone who is a mother, is about to be a mother or has a mother

They say it's your birthday...

2008-04-28T13:07:00.003-04:00

And today is my birthday. 33 years. I don't feel a bit different than yesterday.

It's very rare for me to have a good birthday. I think my expectations may be too high. It also goes back to my family not making a big deal about birthdays. It was just another day. The only perk is that you didn't have to do your chores.

Today, I would like to thank my mother for ruining my celebration.

We went out to eat yesterday with my family. She yelled at me at the very beginning. This following a comment about a week ago that I should up my Prozac. Ummm, not on Prozac mom. Anyway, it wasn't really a yell. Just a couple of comments in that stern voice, motherly look kind of way. My response was, "Thank you mother."

She won't apologize because I'm sure she doesn't think she did anything wrong. Nor does she remember it.

The really bad part is that dh tried really hard to make this year special. Thanks mom, appreciate you ruining everything. After work today (yes, I work on my birthday) dh is taking me to get a massage and then we are going to dinner. At least that should be nice.

Ouuuucccchhh!!

2008-04-26T21:15:00.002-04:00

Today was the 3-mile walk for March for Babies. The day was overcast while we walked which meant that it was a nice day for a walk. Unfortunately, the lady who organized the walk for March of Dimes did a poor job. Things were not organized well and even though I continually told her I was not receiving all of the information she was sending out, I still did not receive any information.

Thank you to all that supported my efforts to support the research to stop premature births.

On another note, I felt really good after the walk. I quite enjoyed it actually. However, now my legs are screaming. At dinner tonight I went to the bathroom with weeman. I told him I had to use the bathroom, too, so he told me to go first. Here's the conversation that followed.

Me: Ouch.

Weeman: What happened?

Me: My legs hurt.

Weeman: My legs hurt for a long time.

Me: We should see somebody about that. You know, they will probably have to cut your legs off.

Weeman: They don't hurt anymore.

BFFs?

2008-04-15T20:22:00.003-04:00

Updated to add: This afternoon my friend sent me an email that said they were very busy and both were fighting being sick. I don't know what I think about that.

You know what bothers me about women? We are so threatened by other women. Why can't men have friends that are women without their wives freaking out and telling them they can't be friends anymore?

I have a guy friend who got married right before Christmas. We have been friends for 14 years. He was there my first day of college and, surprisingly enough, was at my college graduation 14 years later. He's been through a lot with me and I count on him to be there when I need him. (I'm not just a taker, I'm there for him, too.)

I met his new wife a week before they got married. That in itself worried me. Why didn't we meet earlier? He always explained to the girls he dated that he had this friend.... He was talking about me. I think our relationship is hard to explain to others until you see us together. Dh calls him my boyfriend as a joke because we always went to hockey games when I came home to visit. Now I call him dh's boyfriend because they started hanging out when we moved home.

At the wedding she made a couple of comments that made me think we weren't going to be talking much. He had promised me when I talked to him about my concerns before the wedding that that wouldn't happen.

We have emailed a couple of times since the wedding and talked about getting together. He travels a lot and we've been really busy. However, I emailed him last week and still have not gotten a response. I thought maybe he was busy so I waited until today. Still no response. So I called his cell phone on my way home - the number is no longer good.

So this is what I am left to think: his new wife told him he couldn't be friends with me anymore. Why else would I not have heard from him? Am I just being paranoid?

So tell me, what do you think?

WalkAmerica is now March for Babies

2008-04-01T20:42:00.004-04:00

It's that time of year again. See the purple link on the right of my page. Click on it and sponsor me while I walk to save babies.

This will be the fourth year my family has been involved with this fundraiser. It really means a lot to me because of the reasearch they have supported that is helping to prevent premature births and birth defects. Every day I miss my baby boy even thought I know he is in a better place.

I love sweet boy. I know that you watch over me everyday and that you are always with me.

Watermark - Glory Baby lyrics




Glory Baby, You slipped away

As fast as we could say baby, baby

You were growing, what happened Dear,

You disappeared on us baby, baby

Heaven will hold you before we do

Heaven will keep you safe

Until we're home with you Until we're home with you

CHORUS

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way

But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you

And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay

*We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you*

You'll just have heaven before we do

You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it

Cause we are hurting, we are hurting

But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people

Through the growing, and in knowing

All things work together for our good

And God works his purposes

Just like he said he would, just like he said he would

CHORUS

BRIDGE

I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies

And what they must sound like

But I will rest in knowing

Heaven is your home

And it's all you'll ever know, all you'll ever know

CHORUS

Same song, Third Verse...

2008-03-31T20:26:00.004-04:00

And month 8 goes by with no pregnancy. Month 9 is not looking so good b/c dh is going to visit his parents during the time that I really need him. Oh well, I'm not really expecting much anymore. Wee man is going to be 18 before I ever get pregnant.

I don't know what else to say about it, but I'm beginning to think that I don't want to talk about it.

So I will distract you with some wee man pictures. What do you think? Should he be modeling?

Just chillin' without Dad on the big ol' boat

GQ Wee Man

This beach is great!!!

Well, maybe not.

Happy Keester!

2008-03-23T08:22:00.003-04:00

One foot in front of the other

2008-03-18T20:58:00.002-04:00

It has been three weeks since my bil passed away. I have wanted to send my mil an email to be supportive. I have no idea what to say. I'm not new to grief mind you. I just don't know how to deal with her. I feel like she was trying to make us feel guilty about living near my family but being 1000 miles away from them. I'm not sorry for where we decided to live. I did what I felt was best for me when my son died. It has turned out to be a great decision. But, still...what do you say to someone who thrives on crisis and misery to help them move forward through their grief? I know that I can't tell her how to grieve and I would never try to, but I feel like I should do something. Any suggestions?

Dh is not doing so well either. He has never been one to talk about his feelings and that is exactly what he is doing. He's not talking. We talked the other morning about me being more sympathetic. I'm having a hard time with that because dh and his brother were not best buds while we were married. His response was that maybe that's why he is having a hard time with his brother's death. He said he should have been best buds with his brother. Brother had a lot of problems. When we were first married we tried to help. He moved in with us and I feel like he took advantage of us. We finally had to ask him to leave. It was tough love. Throughout the next 10 years we had to use tough love with him. We felt that's what was best for him and for us.

I don't know how to help him. I really think he should talk to someone that is more qualified than me. He just needs to work through the feelings he is having toward his brother. He could also use some time working with the issues with his mother, but I don't think anyone has that kind of time.

I hate grief. We've had too much of it in our family to be this young. It makes me feel really old.

News and Thoughts

2008-03-09T21:38:00.003-04:00

We spent our first day of vacation in Miami, FL. It was quite weird. We went to Publix a couple of times. It's a grocery store. I've never been any where in the United States that looked more like I was in another country. More than half of the items in Publix were in Spanish. I thought Miami was still a part of the U.S.

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The cruise ship was absolutely incredible. We were on the Freedom of the Seas from Royal Caribbean. It is the largest cruise ship on the ocean. Our suite was very spacious. We could definitely tell it was larger than the other ships when we walked from one end to the other.

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Wednesday morning while I was off the boat and waiting on DH and weeman we received an emergency call. My brother-in-law passed away the night before. So much for our great Caribbean vacation.

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DH left the next day to return home and then back to his parents' place. That left me alone with weeman on the boat for three days. It was quite interesting.

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Don't ever fly standby with a 3 year old. Especially when you are trying to make sure you are at a funeral the next day at 9 am. They really don't understand that you can't get on the plane if there aren't any seats.

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When you aren't Catholic and you attend a mass it all seems strange. It was also strange to see the coffin draped with the United States flag when you know the person in it hated being in the military.

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This was my first visit to my in-laws in 3 years. It's hard for me to be there since that is where all the events of my angel happened. Top that off with the death of their son and it wasn't the most pleasant trip.

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My mother-in-law acts like we haven't lost a child. When I told her things would get better, not easier, but better she said it wouldn't. She told me you get better from a cold not from this. Don't you think I would understand what she is going through? She also said that she didn't have any family near her to lean on. She tried to put a guilt trip on DH because we don't live close. I explained that she has a sister that lives across the driveway and her parents are about 2 miles away. She said she can't depend on any of them.

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How does a 32 year old man have a sudden heart attack and die? The whole thing doesn't make any sense. It's also amazing how much DH and I learned about what has been going on with his family. Now it would be nice if they would just share some of this information with him. He is all they have left. They are going to have to depend on us. We will be the one's to take care of them.

Will You Wait for Me

2008-02-22T20:36:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that beginning tomorrow I will be here:

This will be our third cruise. I'm not sure we could be more excited. Dh is in his chair asleep and weeman is doing the same in his bed. It's only 8:40 here. Our flight is at 9:30 in the morning. How can anyone sleep when I am this excited?

I hope to bring home pictures and get them posted shortly after our trip. We'll have to see how the new job goes.

Bon Voyage, Ya'll!!!

And we wait...

2008-02-14T21:18:00.002-05:00

I just read on someone else blog that they just found out they are pregnant. Another blow to me considering they have fertility issues. Arrrggghhh!

I took everyone's advice and went to the doctor. He asked all the prefunctory questions and according to my answers we are doing everything right. Then he said they don't really start checking anything until it has been a year. So, four more months. I did decide that dh should have to do something, so it's off to the lab for him. Well, maybe after we don't get a positive this month.

Another four months and then we might get to start running tests on me. Puh-lease. Why can't we start now? Weeman will be 45 before his sibling is born.

Moving

2008-02-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty tired of Blogger. There are days when I can't get it to do anything that I want it to do.

I'm working on setting up a new blog. I will be sure to give you all my change of address when I'm ready.

The New Pledge of Allegiance

2008-02-03T17:38:00.000-05:00

I pledge allegiance to the flag

of the United States of America

and to the Republic for which it stands

One Nation, under God,

indivisible, for liberty and justice for all.

You may be seated.

Thank God for daycare! It rocks!

(I would put this on you tube, but I have no way of making a video.)

TTC: Cycle 837,601,293

2008-01-28T22:08:00.000-05:00

OK. So that may a bit of an over exaggeration, but it's been another month with no positive pee stick. Actually, there is no pee stick. I thought I still had two days before I was supposed to start. WRONG!!!

I can't figure out how to reach the goal we are trying to achieve. Two months ago I had a 28 day cycle. Last month it was 33 days. This month I only went 26 days. The bad part about this month is that I caught the cold from hell and lost a few days of trying.

I've tried the ovulation predictor kit. I've watched my mucous. I used the ovulation sites. I'm at my wits end. I know that it can take a while to get pregnant, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I'm being punished for something I did. (There's also another underlying reason I feel like I'm being punished, but I'm not going to talk about it here.)

Everywhere I turn there is a newborn baby or a lady about to pop with a new baby. I want to have another baby more than anything right now. I know that going through another pregnancy will be stressful, but I don't want weeman to grow up alone. If we wait much longer he'll be a teenager before we have another baby.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should try now? I'm pretty open to anything. I think I may even go to the doctor. I'm just so frustrated.

Snot has taken over

2008-01-21T21:02:00.000-05:00

I was really looking forward to posting more now that I'm out of school, but two things have happened.

One: Because I don't have a job I feel like I should be working in the house making it a place dh wants to come home to.

Two: Wee man and I have been wiping our noses to beat the band. All I want to do is nap until the snot finds its way out of our house. The meds are not working so I don't know what to do.

AAAAAACHOOOOOO! I need a tissue.

Graduation gift

2008-01-02T23:03:00.000-05:00

As a gift to me for FINALLY graduating from college dh and I are going to take a trip. It is similar to the trip last year right before Christmas. (When I say last year, I mean 2006.)

We are going to Mazatlan, Mexico. At least I know I can drink whatever I want now.

So to make you jealous, here are some pictures.

Time for a poll

2008-01-01T00:19:00.000-05:00

DH and I are having a problem reaching an agreement on a certain issue.

I am on day 31 of my cycle with no period. Should I test now or wait?

What do you think?

Updated to add: Nevermind. Day 33 and AUnt Flo shows her nasty head. I did take a test on day 32 and it was negative. I thought it might be wrong. I took six tests with wee man and they were all negative. They were wrong. So much for that thought. Anyone have any suggestions?

That's how I feel

2008-01-01T00:17:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas Ya'll

2007-12-24T21:25:00.001-05:00

Spirit

2007-12-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

I love Christmas. Absolutely love it. I love everything about it. The anticipation, the excitement, shopping in the hustle and bustle. I even loved working retail during the Christmas season. In fact, it was my favorite time of the year to work. I no longer work in retail and when I'm out shopping during this season I try to be as nice as possible to those working.

For some reason though, I'm just not in the spirit this year. At first I thought it was because it was 80 degrees here. Yes, 80 degrees. IN DECEMBER!! Then I thought it was because I was in the middle of finals and getting ready to graduate. (I did. That's another post.) Even after all of that was finished, I'm still having a hard time finding the spirit.

I think I have finally figured it out. I miss my angel. It's been four years and for some reason this year is harder than any other year. I haven't told anyone about this yet and I'm not even sure I could explain it. I think one of the reasons I am having such a hard time is that wee man has figured Christmas out. He understands Santa and all the presents. He knows what letter his name starts with now, so he can find his presents.

My angel would be a year older than wee man. Knowing that he will never get to enjoy Christmas and that I will never get to see the joy and excitement on his face leaves me with a deep sadness. When this feeling comes over me I am amazed. Amazed that I can still feel like this after four years. Amazed because I have no idea where the feeling comes from. Amazed that after only 11 days I could love someone so much.

I know that I just have to keep moving and eventually the feelings will subside. I just hate being in this funk and smiling my way through the day even though I don't feel like. I don't want to take anything away from wee man this season. I want to be able to enjoy his awe and wonderment of the season.

Momentos

2007-12-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

Every year I buy DH a gift from our angel. Last year I was able to go to a website called Rich Rememberances. They had wonderful stuff, but the website is under construction this year. I have no idea where to look for a gift this year much less what to get. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Still Alive

2007-12-05T11:07:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. I'm sitting at school waiting for class to start. This is my next to last day of classes. I have two finals and then I'm through. It's only taken me 14 years to get an undergraduate degree, but I've finally done it. Ten days from now I will graduate.

I am in search of a job. I'm not having much luck. I suppose for the near future my job will be trying to find a job. I'm not sure how much luck I will have during the Christmas season. At least I know that I will be able to be a substitute teacher while I am in search. Hopefully that will be exciting enough for me. I think of it as a glorified baby sitting job. I hope it is more than that.

Dh and I are still TTC. Maybe we will get a Christmas miracle. At least now I know I won't be at the end of my pregnancy in the oppressive summer heat. That was miserable with wee man.

There is your update just to let you know I am alive. After next week I should be able to post more.

Tradition

2007-11-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

I worked in retail for 11 years. My favorite day of the year? BLACK FRIDAY!! It was the busiest day of the year and you barely had time to breathe much less think. It was wonderful. I mean it, I really loved it.

Shortly after our son died I left my retail job and moved back to Georgia. Home. The first free Black Friday I had I spent with my parents driving back to DC to pack up my house we could sell it. But finally, the next year I was able to go shopping on Black Friday. The mall near us has a lot of no name stores so I tend to drive to the north side of town to the nicer malls.

Every Thanksgiving my aunt and uncle come to visit with my parents. She usually goes shopping with us and then she and my mother leave early. No big deal. This year however, she walked in, sat down and said I'm taking my mother to Tanger tomorrow. No question about what everyone else was doing. Just a statement. It didn't really bother me until my mother said she was going with them.

Now I really am trying to start a tradition with my family. I want to get a group together and go shopping just like I see other people doing. Instead of that, I went to a mall 60 miles away with my three nephews. They went on their merry way and tried my best to find what I was looking for. I was not very successful. I drug bags around and had to call them to find me in the mall to take my stuff to the car. I couldn't find what I looking for and was pretty disheartened by the time I decided to leave. I think I marked two people off my list.

My mother ended up staying home. She said she felt bad for not going with me, but she didn't know what else to do. I told her it was okay. I would have a little girl and one day she and I would go together one day. Nice tradition, huh?

More hours please

2007-11-18T15:13:00.000-05:00

I seem to have this ongoing theme this year. It seems that there is just not enough time in the day. I could really use, I don't know, 8 more hours a day. I suppose if I didn't sleep I could have those 8 hours. Except I only sleep 6 hours most nights. I see a problem forming.

My family, including my aunt, uncle and her mother, are descending on my house for Thanksgiving. We are also having a small Christmas celebration for my nephew who is leaving for Iraq in a little over a week. This means that I have to find some other place to put all of my clutter besides the dining room table.

It's times like these that I wonder why I don't just put things away when they are in my hands. I think it's because I don't know where to put all of it. My other problem is walking in the door and being to tired to put everything where it goes. I should work on that, too.

I always have good intentions when I start cleaning, but I get the inevitable ADD and never finish what I started. You should see my to do list. It's forever long, but doable.

So I have to go to class tomorrow (I don't know why we only have classes one day. You would have thought they would have canceled them.), write two papers, finish two projects, cook for Thanksgiving, clean the house, and hopefully spend some time with weeman.

Anyone have any suggestions about how to add more hours to the day?

My little hockey player

2007-10-31T21:48:00.000-04:00

You should have seen the other guy!

This blog sucks and I'm still not pregnant

2007-10-10T15:13:00.000-04:00

I have very little time to update this blog which really means that it sucks.

I'm also down because we haven't gotten pregnant, yet. It didn't help that I had a really bad cold this month. I think we are going to take some time off now.

I'm off to work on a 200 slide power point presentation. It's due tomorrow and I have 87 slides.

Last week to help

2007-10-01T07:57:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I told you guys about the ride my dad and I are taking this Sunday. We will be riding his motorcycle to raise money for the March of Dimes.

If you will click on the link over on the right side of this page, you will be taken to my personal page and can sponsor my ride.

I'm really having a hard time raising money this time around. Will you please help me out?

Sleep softly sweet child

2007-09-28T13:40:00.000-04:00

I work with a local high school band during marching season. If you weren't in the band in high school you may not know how close those kids can be.

Last night at practice one of the Color Guard girls collapsed. I was the first adult to reach her. I watched her take about 4 to 5 breaths in a 5 minute period. After she took her last breath one of the parents that just happened to be there and just happens to be an ER nurse started CPR.

EMTs reached us finally and worked with her for a while and loaded her up to take her to the hospital.

Once some of the adults reached the hospital we were taken into a room and told that she had passed away. The EMTs had worked on her all the way to hospital, but they were unable to revive her.

This morning I went to the school to be there for the kids. Not something I was looking forward to this morning. It was amazing to see how much these kids support each other.

That is twice I have seen someone take their last breath. Both images I will never get out of my head.

The band wants to go to the football game tomorrow, but the band director has said it is too soon. I wish we would go.

Please keep this young lady's family in your prayers as well as the band.

Four Year Anniversary

2007-09-20T21:03:00.001-04:00

To Our Precious Garrett

We thought of you with love today

But that is nothing new

We thought about you yesterday

And days before that, too

We think of you in silence

We often speak your name

All we have are memories

And your pictures in a frame

Your memory is a keepsake

With which we will never part

God has you in his keeping

We have you in our hearts

A million times we've wanted you

A million times we've cried

If love could only have saved you

You never would have died

It broke our hearts to lose you

But you didn't go alone

For a part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

Snot Season

2007-09-19T08:24:00.000-04:00

This past Friday Hotlanta had its first chilly evening. We also had hurricane Humberto sitting over us raining intermittently. What do I do on Friday nights? I work with a high school band. That meant I spent Friday evening standing in the rain with soaked shoes and then got a bit chilly.

Saturday we went to a college football game where my team lost, it sucked. Anyway, we were out until 1 a.m. I can't remember the last time that happened. I'm really getting old.

Sunday was pretty normal with a nap that I don't usually get to take. Especially during the semester.

Monday I only had one class. The second was cancelled. I did visit the career fair which was a huge bust. Anyone looking for an accountant?

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I thought maybe it was just something that would go away when I drank something. No luck. Now my nose is all snuffy (that's how weeman says it) and I can't breathe. Great, I guess it is snot season in my house.

Sweet Boy

2007-09-09T15:04:00.000-04:00

Four years ago you came into our lives. The only sound you made was a little squeak of a cry. You were more loved than I could ever explain. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I did everything I could for you and I still don't feel like it was enough.

Daddy and brother talk about you all the time. I'm glad that we have you to watch over brother. You know, that's a big brother's job.

You brought a joy to my life that I didn't know was possible. You made me smile with the "sunglasses" you wore. You were so small that they were too big for your head. I only have a few pictures of you and yet I cherish each one. They are all I have know.

I look forward to the day I get to hold you. When you can look into my eyes and I know that you love me. I miss that we didn't want more time together.

Happy Birthday my sweet angel.

2007-09-08T09:08:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a breakdown. For some reason when everyone is gone I have a hard time getting to sleep. So after the football game I watched Save the Last Dance.

Don't ask me why I was watching it. It was on and I couldn't get to sleep. At some point in the movie the main character gets very upset about the death of her mother. I'm a very sensitive person and I started crying. Seriously? Over this movie?

While I was trying to stop crying I realized that I was upset that I was not in Boston. Not because I want to be, but because my little boy is going to need me and I'm not there. I'm sure he is wondering why I'm not there. The idea is that he will get all dressed up in a tuxedo and walk down the aisle all by himself in front of a bunch of people he doesn't know.

Four years ago when I was in Boston at this exact time my other little boy needed me and there was nothing I could do. I swore that I would never do that again. That I would be there when my children needed me. When I realized I would not be there for him when he needed me, I lost it. Will he ever forgive me? Will he trust that I will be here to take care of him?

My final realization was that this whole thing was not my fault. I asked them to consider moving the wedding. That was 19 months before the date. I was told that decisions had been made so they didn't feel like they could move it. (They hadn't spent any money yet.) Now, I'm not saying that the fact that I'm not there is anyone's fault. It's just that I need to make sure I take care of myself.

I think it's just time for him to come home.

RIDE of my life

2007-09-05T21:12:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone! See that link over there? The one the right side of the screen?
The one that looks like pilot wings? Well, click on it. It will take you to a website where you can donate to my RIDE.

My father and I will be riding his motorcycle to support the March of Dimes. This is something I have wanted to do for a couple of years. I finally talked him into it this year. We ride October 8. That gives me a month to raise $1000. Please tell all of your blogging friends.

I promise to send you a car magnet if you donate at least $5. What do you say? Will you help? Preemies need your help.

It's here

2007-09-03T07:53:00.000-04:00

I just returned from the airport after dropping off my boys. They are going to The in-laws for my brother-in-law's wedding. I made the decision a little over a year ago that I wasn't going. The wedding is the day before my angel's birthday. We were visiting them when my water broke. Most of September is very hard for me to deal with. I don't think anyone truly understands that.

Dh finally told his mom that I wasn't coming last week. I don't think she was very supportive of my decision.

The bride and groom have been engaged since January of '06. When I found out the wedding was in September (not the actual date) I asked if they would possibly move it considering the circumstances. The answer was that decisions had already been made (no money spent) so they couldn't move it. The wedding was 19 months away.

About 6 months after that I found the actual date. I knew then there was no way I was going. I had to make sure I took care of myself. I just didn't realize that packing my baby and watching him leave would be so hard. It was like someone took my heart when I saw him walking through the airport.

Is this day over?

2007-08-24T09:03:00.000-04:00

Remember this post? Well, I'm still figuring things out on my car. We went about two weeks before we figured out how to have the dome lights come on when you open the door. I know, we're quick.

One of the great technological gadgets on this car tells you how much farther I can go on the tank of gas I have. It will tell you all sorts of other things, too. I leave the gadget on the range setting so I know when to get gas. That seems pretty important.

Yesterday was another one of those 100 degree days. I walked around downtown in this weather for school. (Yeah, it sucks.) I sat through 75 minutes of a crazy professor. (She puts her lipstick above her lips.) I stopped by my husband's army post to register my car and get a new ID. I spent an hour at home before leaving for work. We cut and pinned flags for 2 hours then I stood outside with a bunch of high school kids for two and a half hours. Basically it was one of those days.

When I got to the school for practice the car said I could go 36 miles. Plenty to take my nephew home and get to the gas station. After practice the car said the range was low. What exactly does that mean. Low? How low?

After dropping my nephew off, I headed toward home which would take me by two gas stations. Less than one mile from the first station my car just quit. I RAN OUT OF GAS!!!! For the first time ever. I don't do things like that. Why didn't I just stop earlier in the day? Arrrggghhhh!!!

I pulled over as much as I could, which put the car leaning to the right quite a bit. I had left my cell phone in my husband's car earlier in the day. Wouldn't you know it. Luckily my car had it's own phone bulit in to it. I called my brother. I figured he would be faster than calling On-star.

He showed up, put a couple gallons gas in the tank and....the car still wouldn't start. The incline had all the gas on the wrong side. About that time a police car showed up and turned its lights on. Great. Could I be any more embarrassed? Of course, we had to pull my car off the incline into the road to see if it would start. During that time another police car showed up.

My brother was able to pull me on to the road and on the second try the car started. We drove the half mile to the gas station and I put 5 gallons in. I didn't fill up because that is probably the highest gas station. My brother was nice enough to call my husband and tell him what had happened. So when I got home I got the look and 20 questions.

Thank God yesterday is over. I bet I don't let my tank get below half again.

The Last Semester

2007-08-24T08:53:00.000-04:00

Finally, after 14 years, I have started my last semester in college. No, I haven't been in school the full 14 years. There were a couple of breaks in there.

This semester I have to do three group projects, a 30-page paper, and a 10 page paper. Both of the papers include a presentation. All this on top of working with the high school marching, taking care of a three year old, and trying to find a job.

I may not be around very much this semester. I mean, everyone needs a break, but I'm not sure how much time I will be able to find.

At least I know that December 16 I will graduate. Hopefully after that I will be able to take a vacation begore I start work.

Anyone want to write a paper for me?

Sew what

2007-08-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

What have I done? I have no idea what I'm doing. The color guard instructors with the band I work with have been looking for someone to sew the flags for this year. No one would help them.

When I was on color guard (a moment of insanity) we had to sew our own practice flags. While we were talking about the flags for this year I was told they were just simple rectangles. So what did I do? I said very proudly, "I can do that!!"

HA! I mean a really big HA!

They want a curved rectangle, a teardrop, and a flag that has stripes of different fabric. OMG!!

I can cross stitch with no problem. A bit different from using a sewing machine.

Today I went and picked up one of the fabrics. I took my ghetto pattern that we blew up from a picture in the fabric book and cut out the fabric. So far I have pinned the hem. It took 45 minutes. Is that normal?

I'm hoping to get one flag finished today. That will leave 59. I wonder if they need them this year.

Anyone have any suggestions for me?

Updated: It only took me 30 minutes to sew one flag. The girls are supposed to cut them out and pin them. That will make my job much easier. I'm still not so sure about the different colored strips.

Better Luck Next Time

2007-08-13T09:14:00.001-04:00

It's that time. I'm one of those people that plans their life as much as possible. More than anything I want to have a May baby. Although with my past, you really can't plan when a baby will come. (Due in November had the baby in September. Due in August had the baby in July.) So when I returned from band camp we started trying to get pregnant.

The first time we tried to get pregnant it took four months. The second time I was apparently very fertile. First time and bam we were pregnant.

This time we weren't so lucky. I swear I have the signs of pregnancy, but after two home tests I think it must be all in my head. So we wait another month. No big deal.

However, getting the negative result really put me in a bad mood. Odd. I know that getting pregnant can take a few months. I don't get it.

Brotherly love

2007-08-08T21:27:00.000-04:00

My brother was deployed today. He left for the Horn of Africa. Everyone keeps asking if that is a combat area. In fact it is. I'm not sure where he is going. Actually, neither is he. But this morning he got on a plan headed for Norfolk, VA and then hopped a military flight to Africa.

This is not the first time this war has affected me. My dh spent a year in Baghdad. He let when weeman was 6 months old. It was hard. This December my oldest nephew is deploying to Fallujah. I guess it's a good thing I support our troops and the war.

My brother and I haven't always gotten along. Most people say that when they are teenagers. I could say that until about 4 years ago. He was stationed in Seattle and met a wonderful woman. While he was there, I lost my first child. He called while I was in the hospital multiple times. I was amazed.

I helped plan their wedding. Never in my life had I been able to work with my brother without being insulted by him. He was very appreciative of everything I did.

He has 4 days to kill before he left. He came "home" to wait. Since I am out of school we were able to spend a lot of time together. I watched him repack all of his stuff from 5 bags to 3. I took him to find speakers to play his iPod on. We ate lunch together every day. Never once did we argue. And when I said goodbye to him last night (he left a 4 this morning) he said thanks for helping me with everything.

Sunday night the whole family went to dinner to say goodbye. My sister-in-law took a picture of all the boys. I have a really bad feeling about this deployment. I hope this in not the last picture I will have of him.

(top middle:wee man, middle row:Todd, Stephen, front row: Dad, Scott-deployed, dh)

Stats

2007-08-03T15:15:00.000-04:00

Wee man went to the doctor Wednesday for his 3 year well check.

He is 39 1/4 inches tall. That puts him in the 99th percentile.

He weighs 31.8 pounds. That puts him in the 50th percentile.

Apparently he is tall and skinny. No wonder I can't find clothes to fit him.

Change of Tide

2007-08-01T08:28:00.000-04:00

I received a call Monday from a very good friend of mine. We have been friends since college. The only friend I have from my first years in college. He is the only guy friend that I am still friends with since I got married. When I was living in DC, I would come to visit my family and he and I would always go to a hockey game. Dh jokes that he is my boyfriend.

With the phone call came the news that he is engaged. They are getting married this December. I've wanted him to get married for a long time, but I'm having mixed feelings about this. Every time a guy friend of mine gets married I lose him as a friend. The wife seems to tell the guy friend they can't be friends with me any longer.

I'm happy that he has found someone to spend his life with. I just hope I don't lose him as a friend.

Hello?

2007-07-28T09:01:00.000-04:00

I'm back!!! The router is fixed and band camp is over.

There are stories to tell from band camp, but first I have to do laundry and spend some time with wee man.

I'll be back Monday.

Technical Difficultiles

2007-07-13T11:08:00.000-04:00

Two weeks and I haven't posted. That's about the time my router went bonkers. After three and a half hours on the phone with the tech people they decided it was defective. REALLY?!?!?!?!?

I had to send it back so they could send me a new one. Now my laptop is basically useless. I miss it. That's what I use to blog with. I sit and watch TV and blog and surf the net.

My life is so unfulfillinf these days. WAH!

One week until band camp, so I don't know when I'll be back. Please be true to me and don't forget about me. I promise to come back as soon as I can.

They did what?!?!?!?!?

2007-07-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

For about three weeks I have been looking for a new car. I bought a car I have hated since I bought it a little over two years ago. The first weekend my sister-in-law was here she pointed a car out to me that she said she wanted. It was a Saturn, but she told me it also came as a GMC.

Well, I began looking and driving and fell in love with the car. The price was a little high and I was upside down in my other vehicle.

I was finally able to get dh to go with me Saturday to seriously look and had decided what options I really had to have on the car. This particular vehicle is somewhat hard to come by, so I knew the dealership was probably going to have to go get it somewhere else.

Unbelievably, we bought this car at closing time Saturday. We had signed most of the paper work and we were going to finish the paperwork today. The rest of the weekend we spent looking for financing at a good rate. My thrifty husband found 4%. He rocks.

The salesman called me this morning and told me not to be mad at him. That's not the way to start a conversation. Apparently the dealership that had my car SOLD it yesterday to someone else. Ummmm, hello! That was my car.

Update: The salesman was able to find me another car with options that the old car did not have. He said they are going to give me the new car at the same price. The dealership is going to eat $345. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to get my new car.

Procrastination

2007-06-27T09:17:00.000-04:00

A week ago I was tagged to do this meme. I feel very special because I have never been tagged for a meme before. Thank you to my dear friend I actually have something to write.

My brother is here from San Antonio . He just moved there from D.C. with his family and came to visit his daughter before he deploys to Afghanastan. I've had a lot of fun with them here, but I haven't had much time to do anything.

So here we go.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was a newlywed that had moved to D.C. 6 months earlier. I had just quit my first job I had gotten after moving up there and was looking for another job. I had been hoping to transfer to one of the bookstores up there that I had been working at, but there was a miscommunication and there was no job for me.

Five Snacks You Enjoy
1. Peanut butter crackers
2. chips and salsa
3. cheez-its
4. cheese puffs
5. sour patch kids

Five Songs That You Know All the Lyrics To
I would have to confess that I can't sing any songs unless they are playing in the background.
With that said, I know all of the lyrics to every Tim McGraw .

Five Things You Would Do If You Were A Millionaire
1. Pay cash for my dream house
2. Invest wisely
3. Start some sort of business
4. Pay off my parents' debt
5. Pay off my brother's debt

Five Bad Habits
1. Procrastinating
2. Being lazy and never cleaning my house (it's not dirty, just lots of clutter and dust)
3. Not studying for class (I usually get a B instead of an A because I didn't study)
4. Letting things pile up in my car
5. Not responding to emails

Five Things You Like To Do
1. Cross Stitch
2. Spend time with my family (I lost a child and realized how important family is)
3. Send cards to encourage my friends
4. Take wee man to the pool
5. Shop

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again
1. Like Em said, Booty Shorts, I'm 30 not 20!
2. Jumpers
3. Leg warmers
4. Bermuda Shorts
5. Jellies

Five Favorite Toys
1. Ipod
2. Laptop
3. Hopefully, my new car
4. My mama's back porch (It's screened in and you can watch the horses from there. Very peaceful)
5. Wee man's jonti craft table

Five people to tag
I'm not even sure Five people read my site anymore. If you want to play, go ahead and put it up on your site and then leave me a comment.

Now you all know a little more about me.

One down, Three to go

2007-06-19T16:55:00.000-04:00

It has almost been one year since I was resigned from my last job. I was six weeks from resigning.

Today I received an email that contained a forwarded email from my former boss. In his email he said he had submitted his resignation effective June 18. He had written his email at 5:44 this morning.

I find it all kind of odd that he would resign with no notice. Makes me think he was resigned like I was.

There is a God!!!

How often do you change the air filter?

2007-06-18T16:50:00.001-04:00

My father taught me a lot about taking care of the house, cars and stuff like that. I'm pretty good at being independent, but I like to let my husband be manly.

How often are you supposed to change the air filters for your air conditioner? At least every six months unless you buy the 30 day filters. Then you should change the filters every 30 days. My dh was doing a great job of checking the filter every 30 days (even early he said) to see if they needed to be changed. What he neglected to remember is that we have two air conditioners. So he hadn't checked one of the air filters and when he did it was black with dust and dripping wet.

He changed the air filter. Then we figured out that the air conditioner was frozen. We turned it off. That didn't work. We turned the heat on. That unfroze the air conditioner, but it still wasn't cooling the house.

Now, understand that the temperature on Sunday was 98 degrees and today it is 96. The air conditioner that is broken controls the air in all of our bedrooms. Needless to say, it's hot and stuffy in the bedrooms.

We called the after hours number and no one called back. This morning they said they would be here between 3 and 5. Most likely after 5. It's 5:17 now and they are not here. I think we are going to be sleeping in the floor of the den tonight.

The Lazy Post--Just Pictures

2007-06-11T21:07:00.000-04:00

Apparently, even though we live in the South, the Red Sox are #1.

Make sure you get my good side Dad.

I'm too sexy for my shirt. Especially in this new bathing suit.

He's kicking his feet to show me how he can swim.

Wee Man's self portrait.

Godly Woman

2007-06-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

Sunday morning around 5:30 my grandmother passed away.

As I said before, we were not very close. I went with my parents to help with whatever was needed. I was able to look through pictures and hear all of the stories.

I did not know that my grandmother had taught my father all of the Bible he knows. He is a preacher that is a big statement.

The funeral was yesterday and I learned more about the godliness of my grandmother.

Rest well grandma. Take care of my little boy.

Hopefully it won't pour

2007-05-29T19:07:00.000-04:00

We received a phone call yesterday that my grandmother was in the hospital and was not expected to make it through the night.

She made it through the night. Stinker.

I know that sounds bad, but this couldn't be a worse time. This is the last week of school for my nephew, my mom, and myself. I have a final on Friday. My nephew starts finals Wednesday. Mom needs to be at the hospital with my dad, but won't go because she feels like she can't miss school this last week. I have one brother working out of town right now and my other brother is in the process of transferring within the Army.

Today it was confirmed that grandma had a massive stroke. She is bleeding into her brain. She has a kidney infection and her kidneys have all but shut down. And to top it all off, her blood pressure is extremely high. She is still unconcious. This is all on top of her having Alzheimer's.

I know I sound callous, but my family is not very close to these grandparents. We haven't spent very much time with them since we were all young teenagers. We've just lost touch.

Dad is the one I feel bad for. It's his mom.

Remember us in the next few days.

Happy Memorial Day

2007-05-28T08:43:00.000-04:00

I realize that some of you reading may be against the war. That is your right to feel that way. Hopefully, you still support the troops.

Both of my grandfathers were in the Army. My brother is career Army and is headed to the war in July. My oldest nephew joined the Army last summer and is headed to the war in December. My husband is in the Army Reserves and has already spent a year in Iraq.

As you can see, the military runs deep in my family.

No matter how you feel about the war, the men and women of our armed services are some of the bravest that I know. So, when you crank up your grill today, remember those who are not with their families. Remember those who have given their lives for the freedoms that we have.

The next time you see a service member, stop and thank them for serving. It's not an easy job.

2007-05-24T16:11:00.000-04:00

It seems that I have lost all of the close people that I used to tell all of my problems to.

My mother works at an alternative school as a parapro. That means that shes a teacher's aide. The kids are bad. The cuss at her, throw furniture, get in fights, etc. I don't want to say it's an easy job, but we all work hard. This job has begun to affect her physically and is taking a toll on the family. I had begun cooking for the whole family and last week when I needed someone else to get things started because I would be at work until 6, she said "Well, let's just go out." The next day I asked her about it and she said that she gets a pass for the next two weeks (until school's out) because this is the hardest job she has ever had and it takes all she has to do the job. I've been miffed at her ever since, it's been a week, so I can't talk to her.

My best friend works at the job that fired me. She has an 8 month old at home and most of the talking we do is through email.

My good friend in New York has an 18 month old. Besides the fact that she lives in NY she is very busy. I don't pick up the phone very often because I don't want to bother her. She and I IM when we find each other logged on at the same time and we need something.

Other than that, I'm pretty busy with school and my almost 3 year old.

So when I run into a problem or problems like I've had the past two days I don't have anyone I can run to. Everything I'm feeling and thinking stay pent up inside. I know it's not healthy, but what else can I do.

I'm not blaming anyone for my losing touch. I know the phone works both ways. It's just, I've had a couple of crappy days and I don't have anyone to share it with. I need a shoulder and can't find one.

Bring on the alcohol.

2007-05-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

You would think someone in the middle of taking classes to finish her undergrad wouldn't have time to read for fun. Well, I don't care about reading textbooks. I can usually get everything I need from lectures.

I just finished the most incredible book. It was At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks. As I got further into the book I thought it should have come with a warning for parents that have lost children through stillbirth or prenatal loss. However, it turns out that the warning is not needed.

I was quite moved by the book. It is not the quite of book that I would normally read. I usually read Richard North Patterson so this was a bit different than I am used to.

If you need something to read while on vacation this summer, pick up this book. It is an easy read and doesn't require a lot of thinking.

Anyone else have any book suggestions? I need something to read at the pool.

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T18:17:00.000-04:00

Especially to all of the mothers who have angel children.

OH THE HUMANITY

2007-05-09T09:31:00.000-04:00

Certain smells give me very bad migraines. For that reason, I have to be very careful what kind of perfume and lotion I wear. There was a girl that worked for me that wore smelly lotion. I had to make her go out in the hallway to put it on to cut down on the number of migraines I would get at work.

There is only one scent I can wear from a certain company that makes lotion and soap and that kind of stuff. It's Juniper Breeze. Everything else is too strong and gives me a migraine. I was running low on body wash and we're out of the wall flower, so I went yesterday to buy some more.

The wall flowers were on sale!! I couldn't find the juniper breeze though. I picked up to bottles of the body wash (I like to have extra on hand) and headed to the register. I asked the cashier if they had the wall flower in my flavor. She said no and that they had discontinued the Juniper Breeze.

OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

I put my head in my hands and she told me not to cry that they are coming out with new, fresh scents in the summer.

Why do companies stop making stuff that people use?

Faker

2007-05-07T12:58:00.000-04:00

How do you like to spend your Saturday nights? I don't mean from 8-11. I mean from midnight to 7 the next morning. How do you like to spend that time? In the emergency room? Me too.

When dh came home from the baseball game I was still awake. He laid his stuff down and said, "Now don't freak out." I'm not sure that's the way I like for conversations to be started.

Apparently on his walk to the car he got dizzy and his left side went numb. He said he felt like he was drunk even though he hadn't been drinking.

I sat down with WebMD and looked up the symptons. The second two options were stokes. His dad had a stroke when he was in his early 50s. Not a good history. We just kind of looked at each other and then he told me he didn't want to go to the ER. I told him to call the insurance nurse line. When the doc called back he said he should go to the ER.

This next part kills me. Weeman was of course in bed and already asleep so dh wanted me to stay home with him, and he was going to call me if there was any news. Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard? I got weeman up and off we all went to the ER.

After waiting an hour and weeman not going back to sleep, I called my mother. Both she and Dad came. Dh was upset that I had called them. I needed them to take weeman home, though. They stayed for a few minutes and then they left with weeman.

After waiting for about two or so hours, we were finally called back. He had an EKG--it was normal. He had a CT scan and it was normal. They checked cardiac enzymes and they were normal. Apparently he was faking. They sent us home with instructions for him to take an aspirin everyday and follow up with a neurologist.

I spent most of the night sitting in a chair. I did climb in to bed with dh for about an hour until he kicked me out. Thanks honey.

That was my exciting Cinco de Mayo. And I never got a drink. The hospital near us is the slowest I have ever been in. I wish we had gone downtown like I had mentioned. Oh well, we'll know better next time.

Special Days

2007-04-28T08:20:00.000-04:00

And today I get another year older. Yea for me! You would think it would upset me, but my husband is older than I am and goes through all the "I'm getting older" stuff before I get there. That means I have already dealt with whatever age when I get there.

So what am I doing today? Going to the doctor. Sitting around the house watching the draft. Then going to dinner at a new restaurant.

If you'd like to send gifts, I need new clothes. My favorite store is Ann Taylor Loft.

I still owe you all an update. Well, at least the three of you that are reading. All the big projects are done. I just have to study for finals now. Then I get a week off before I start again.

End of semester

2007-04-23T20:33:00.000-04:00

I owe you all an update. A lot has been going on, but it is the end of the semester. I have two papers due Wednesday and a quiz I have to take tonight.

Finals are over May 5 and then I get a week off. I'm hoping to update you before then, but if not, you know I will be back then.

Thanks for cheering me on to the end of the semester.

You is either born with class or you is not

2007-04-08T22:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I attended the funeral of my best friend's boss. You may think that a little odd, but we used to work for the same organization. Her boss was killed in a car accident last Sunday. The whole situation has been rather surreal.

This lady and my father were good friends, so he attended the funeral also. I had a hard time trying to decide if I was going to go or not because the organization that my best friend works for asked me to resign in lieu of being fired because of my blog. This would be the first time I would see anyone from that job.

Several people noticed me and smiled. One of the big wigs shook hands with my father and did not even look at me. My old boss sat directly behind us. There is no way he didn't notice me. After the service one of the men he was sitting with spoke to me. He just walked off. He didn't speak. A couple of people gave me hugs. It really was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Both of my parents said that anyone who purposely didn't talk to me didn't have any class. One of my friends that worked for the same organization was fired about 4 months before I was. She attended the funeral also. I wasn't able to get to her so that we could talk. I emailed her and told her what had happened. Kind of venting, I guess.

Her response was "One of my dear friends from ______ always said "you is either born with class or you is not and if you is not you don't ever attain it" Remember that when people don't speak to you!! You & I were born with class!! "

I call her Momma, too. Parents are so smart.

Thank you to the organization who forced me to resign. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Why women go to the restroom in pairs

2007-03-31T21:08:00.000-04:00

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.
Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.
(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).
That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up, You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're exhausted.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).
It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.
It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

What the .....?

2007-03-27T20:59:00.000-04:00

My husband got us hooked on American Idol this season. I think I've only watched one season all the way through. We were living with my parents while our house was being built and we wanted to watch all the crapper singers. Mom and Dad got hooked so we had to watch the whole season. That was the season Fantasia won.

My dearest husband said we would only watch the crapper singers again. Unfornuately I need someone to explain what the h-e double hockey sticks Sanjaya was doing this week. And why is he still on the show?

Please help me understand.

WalkAmerica

2007-03-27T20:45:00.000-04:00

Hello all! It's that time of year again.

On 21 April 2007, I’ll be participating in the March of Dimes WalkAmerica event to help save babies from premature birth, the #1 cause of newborn death. Every year, more than half a million babies in the U.S. are born prematurely. And the numbers are escalating. If we don’t join together to save babies from premature birth, the problem will only get worse.

My husband and I were touched by a premature birth in September 2003. Our first son was born 11 weeks too soon. We were on vacation at my in-laws in Boston and I was sent to one of the premier hospitals in the nation. After 11 days, Baby Garrett lost his fight against the many illnesses he had gotten from being born premature. We were lucky to have him for 11 short days, but we still miss him every day.

That’s why I’m joining WalkAmerica and helping to raise money to fight premature birth. You can show you care by sponsoring me and supporting March of Dimes research into the cause of premature birth and genetic birth defects.

Please visit my website www.walkamerica.org/hedda to donate money to my efforts.

Please share this post with as many people as you know to help me reach my goal of $1500.

Thank you so much for your help.

If you would prefer to send a check, please email me.

So frustrated

2007-03-15T21:27:00.000-04:00

If anyone knows anything about adding Adsense to a classic template in new blogger, please let me know. I have been working on this for ~~years~~ days. I have emailed bloggers that I have never talked to before. I am beyond frustrated and my blogger helper is watching her show. *rolling eyes*

If my tax class doesn't send me to an early grave, this will.

Weeman update--pottying was apparently a one time thing. So much for success. Anyone got any suggestions for that?

SUCCESS

2007-03-13T20:34:00.000-04:00

WEEMAN POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ask me how we got him to do it, because we don't know. We have been trying for months. His school has been working with him for months. They have been putting him in big boy underwear for a couple of weeks, but he has two accidents a day. Today he didn't have an accident.

Every night when he gets ready for bed he says he has to potty. There has yet to be a night that he has pottied. We just figured it was a way for him to put off going to bed. We acquiesced again and let him go to the potty. He tooted and said that he had pooped. We both checked and said nope. He told his daddy that he still had to poop so dad told him to get back on the potty. He told him to grunt and poop. I told weeman daddy was being silly. Then we heard gassy sounds and then PLOP!!!!!

I never thought I would do the potty dance. I did! He got two M&Ms and two dimes for pooping in the potty. I'm not above bribery. We had to call Gran and let her know. I made Papa wake Gran up so weeman could tell her what he had done. Finally, SUCCESS!!

I rocked

2007-03-12T21:06:00.000-04:00

Today in my Business Communication class I gave a persuasive presentation on workplace monitoring and blogs. I was quite surprised how many of these "high tech" college kids had not heard of being dooced. I couldn't let on that I am one of those people that has been dooced or the teacher wouldn't have let me talk about this subject.

Let me just say---- I ROCKED!!!!! I received the most response than anyone else that presented today. I don't believe workplaces should be monitoring personal blogs unless they are being posted on during work hours.

With that said I move on to wee man. He has 3T legs and a 2T belly and I refuse to buy new pants. My poor baby looks like he is waiting for a flood. As much as I hate to say this, I can't wait until it gets warm enough to put him shorts.

Long awaited

2007-03-05T12:58:00.000-05:00

Before: I'm a dork and didn't edit this first

After: I swear I didn't do anything to him

Bonus picture: I don't know who Sponge Bob is

There is nothing like sitting by the pool in February

Where are all my friends?

2007-03-02T09:20:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking for a while that I would like to spend more time with my friends. We spend a lot of time with my family. We eat dinner with someone from my family every night. But I hardly ever see my friends.

Then I realize I only have four friends. One in New York, one in Maryland and the other two live on the north side of town. I have a couple of acquaintances from school, but no one I talk to when I'm not at school. Well, unless one of us needs helps with school.

I will be graduating at the end of December. According to my professors you should keep your professional life professional and your social life should not enter the workplace. Meaning that you shouldn't have friends at work. If that is true, then where is one supposed to make friends?

And for all of you who are my friends. We need to get together and hang out. No excuses. I mean it.

Holy Weight Gain

2007-02-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

Apparently since returning to school I have gained my freshman 15. You know, the 15 pounds that most college freshman females gain. I didn't gain it when I first went to college, so I guess I was due.

Our temps are in the 70s right now and almost none of the clothes I wore last fall and summer fit. I had to go out while we were packing to buy shorts and pants for the trip. I was really depressed for a couple of days. Great way to start a vacation.

We had professional pictures taken while we were on the cruise. I look like I'm about five months pregnant. I have even put weight on in my face. That was a real wake up call. I don't want to look like I'm pregnant when I get pregnant.

I would like to lose between 25 and 30 pounds, but I don't really know how to do it. I am hungry all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculous. I was working out at the beginning of the year, but when school started I couldn't fit it in to my schedule. I realize now that that was just an excuse. So today I went and worked out. Well, until I had an asthma attack. Damn fitness induced asthma.

Anyone got any suggestions on how to lose all this weight? We don't have the money for me to buy a new wardrobe because I can't keep my mouth shut.

BTW, the cruise was great. Pictures are forthcoming.

Where have I been?

2007-02-13T21:32:00.000-05:00

I don't know where I have been.

I do know that next week I will be on a cruise. I cannot tell you how excited I am about the trip. Right now I have a cold and I'm hoping that it is short lived that I feel fine while we are on the boat. Wee man keeps saying that we are going on a plane soon to go on a boat. It's really cute.

I know I owe you all a picture with my new hair cut, but my husband won't take my picture and I'm not doing one of those me in the mirror pictures. You will just have to wait until we get back and I have pictures to post.

Oh yeah, I was able to present my speech about the March of Dimes. I did spectacularly. I went over the alotted time, but showed the teacher that I was able to talk about the death of my son without being a complete idiot. Told her so!!!!

Now I'm going to do a presentation on blogs and workplace monitoring. She wanted to know if I had a sad story about that. I just fibbed a little and said no. I mean I didn't get fired because of my blog. Hee Hee. This should be fun.

My bad news, my first test in my tax class I got a big fat 70 on. Apparently I need to study more. It would help if I knew what a 1231 asset was. Anyone got any help?

Would you please filter before you speak

2007-02-01T08:40:00.000-05:00

This semester I am taking a business communication class. It is required for my degree. Next week we are giving a speech on our most admired person or organization. It was not at all hard for me to pick an organization. The March of Dimes. I really admire the work that they are doing with the prematurity campaign.

Yesterday in class we were going over everyone's outlines for their speeches. I thought it was supposed to be a rough draft. So I did a VERY rough draft. While I was on pain killers. I think it was 6 lines long. It was sad. I knew I would revamp it and it would be fine. I mean really. 6 lines to make a 5 minute speech. I would have been finished in 60 seconds.

When she got to my outline she told me again that she felt I had chosen a topic (premature birth) not an organization. She asked me what the March of Dimes is truly known for. The boomer generation knows them for being instrumental in finding the vaccine for polio. My generation doesn't really know that. She wanted to know how long the March of Dimes had been in existence. I told her. But I corrected her and said that was not why I admired the March of Dimes. I said they started at 5 year $75 million in 2003. She said there were other organizations that were involved with premature babies. She said, "If the March of Dimes was the only organization involved with premature babies we wouldn't have less premature babies, we would have more dead babies."

I have no idea what she said after that. I shut down. I felt the tears well up and I couldn't stop them. I put my new outline in my notebook, closed my notebook, straightened everything at my desk and then got up to walk out of the room with tears streaming down my face. All I wanted was to leave and compose myself and then return to class. The teacher followed me out trying to make things better. She didn't know that I had lost a preemie.

When I returned to class, I sat and let tears run down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them.

We talked after class and she said if I was that dedicated to that topic she would allow me to continue with the March of Dimes instead of starting all over. She also offered to give me an A in the class or on the assignement. Stupid me said I didn't want her to give me anything. I redid my outline again and she said that I had adapted well to the communication assignment she had given us. I think at this point she would let me do anything.

I just wish people would filter what they are going to say before it comes out of there mouths.

I had a root canal

2007-01-29T20:54:00.000-05:00

Thursday afternoon I had a root canal. I had a dentist fix the tooth because it was cracked. He put a crown on the tooth and when I went back for the permamnent crown I told him that it still hurt. He told me that it might need a root canal, but he wanted to wait and see.

After walking out in tears, I decided to go see another dentist. Guess what! I needed a root canal and the tooth was beginning to absess. I spent this past weekend on pain killers and if you spoke to my husband I think he would agree that you wouldn't have wanted me to post. I'm sure it would have been good for a laugh or two.

Needless to say, the pain is not completely gone. I'm living off of Motrin now and pain killers at night. Hopefully I will be back to 100% soon. I'll let you know as soon as I am.

I have pictures to share. I cut all my hair off. You have got to see.

Decisions

2007-01-18T23:03:00.000-05:00

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. It's one of my favorite shows. Except for the incorrect NICU problem, this particular show really hit home.

No one should ever have to make the decision to take a family member off of life support. I should know. I did it. I made that decision for my son. "George" did it tonight for his father and it made me end up in a puddle in my favorite chair. While you know you are doing the best you can for your family member, it still doesn't make it any easier for you.

I held my baby boy while he spent his last 55 minutes on this earth. I don't wish that on anyone. The decision we made to take my little boy off of life support I don't wish on anyone either.

To all of the parents that have had to make this decision, God bless you. No one knows the anguish you went through to make that decision.

Potty Woes

2007-01-17T08:54:00.000-05:00

Ok ladies.

I need some advice. Wee man has been using the potty at school for some time now. We have set up his bathroom potty just like the one at school. He will climb on the potty and climb off and climb on and climb off and on and on. I've tried everything I know to get him to use the potty. He goes with Bob the Builder like they do at school. We've used Elmo. I've tried to bribe him. I'm just at a loss. I don't think I've been this frustrated in a long time.

You would think first thing in the morning it would be simple. He will sit on the potty, get off, I'll put his diaper on and he'll say "Momma, pee pee in diaper." He knows when he's wet or poopie.

Does anyone have any ideas for us to try?

Thanks for your help.

Where's Your Heart?

2007-01-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

Three and a half years ago my husband and I had our first son when I was 29 weeks gestation. He lived for 11 days and then we had no choice but to take him off of life support.

In doing research after Garrett passed away I found the March of Dimes. They had recently started an initiative to raise funds to help fund research to save babies from premature birth. I had no idea that they were out there doing that. In fact every April they sponsor WalkAmerica.

The first April after Garrett passed I was pregnant with wee man and no one would let me walk. I did collect money though. Last year I walked in the pouring rain. It was quite sad.

Well, it's that time of year again. Do you see over there in the links section at the very top? There is a picture of a little baby. Click on that link and you will be taken to my WalkAmerica page. You can do two things there. You can sponsor my walk. You can also join my team and help us raise money to save babies from premature birth.

Please, click on the link. Babies need our help. Also feel free to put the link on your site and/or tell your readers about my endeavor.

Thank you all for your help.

Snot Fest '07

2007-01-10T09:07:00.000-05:00

One day back at daycare and wee man immediately started coughing. So no big deal. This weekend his nose stuffed up. Sunday little nose started running like a faucet had been turned on. Now there is snot everywhere. He has decided that momma is his favorite person to cling to when he doesn't feel. While I cherish this time very much (two year olds don't like to sit still very often, the snot in my hair is not doing much for me.

He also started running a fever each night at dinner time. I talked to the pharmacist to see what she thought I should give wee man to stop the runny nose and sneezing. The cough syrup only worked on the cough. All the stuff for runny noses said not to give it to children under six years old without talking to your doctor. She has a two year old like I do and said she would probably give him Benadryl which should also help with the cough. BUT, she warned me to take him to the doctor because RSV is going around.

RSV freaks me out. We dealt with that last year. I know it can be very dangerous. The daycare has had a few cases of RSV this year. So yesterday after I got home from school, it was off to the doctor. He has an upper respiratory infection and all the meds I'm giving are exactly what the doctor would have recommended. I guess that means I'm a really good mom.

Now if we can just get rid of the snot everywhere!!

Funny Story

2007-01-04T22:28:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow night we are taking wee man to his first hockey game. I'm really quite excited about it except I'm afraid he will be afraid of the loud speakers and he will fall asleep in the middle of the game. I'm sure Ken will take four thousand pictures, so I will be sure to share them with you.

Funny story. When I dropped wee man off at daycare yesterday morning his caregiver asked me if I was pregnant. I quickly told her no. She said wee man had told everyone that he got a brother for Christmas. I relayed this story to my husband this morning and he said remember he went to see brother during Christmas. That makes more sense.

Explanation--every Christmas eve we visit my angel and light a candle. We had told wee man we were going to see brother. I don't know who got the story messed up, but I will be sure to clear that up tomorrow.

Here's to a New Year

2007-01-01T13:53:00.000-05:00

Want to know how I rung in the New Year? I went to bed at 11:55!

I wasn't sure I wanted to recap 2006. I'm not even sure I can remember what happened this past year. I'm not one that likes to be like everyone else, but I'll recap anyway.

January- apparently I didn't do a thing, because I can't remember what I did
Februaruy-dh returned from Iraq and we went on a cruise
March- I started my blog and spent a weekend in the hospital
April-My bff lost her 6 1/2 month old son
May-Wee man got his first stitches (staples actually) and the company I worked for moved
June-I said worked for because they fired me (okay, I resigned in lieu of being fired)
July-Wee man turned two (they grow up too fast), saw Tim McGraw in concert again and I went to band camp as an instructor
August-I started college again
September-a lot of school work, football with the band, the 3 year anniversary of my angel's death, bff had second son
October-weight gain and more school work
Novemeber-Wee man went to Boston with dh
December-Finished my first semester back at school with a 3.72 and went to Cabo with my husband for our 10 year anniversary. Wee man rode the Pink Pig.

I'm hoping 2007 will be a better year for me. I'm pretty sure I won't get fired this year. My bff won't lose her first child. I will graduate in December. My family is going on a cruise. Dh and I are hoping to get preggo this year. Shhhhh-don't tell anyone.

Tomorrow I start working out to try and lose 25 pounds.

In looking over my archives I realize that I don't post enough. I'll try and do better in 2007.

I'm leaving it up to you guys to keep me accountable on the past two things.

I hope you all have a happy and healthy 2007.

Something to make you jealous

2006-12-31T14:00:00.000-05:00

Sorry, dear ones, for the lack of posts. My brother and his family of four children were here for the past week. Wee man had a great time with the kids, but we all stayed up late and spent too much time just hanging out. Now my house is a wreck according to dh (I agree by the way) and we have to clean it. We also need to put the Christmas decorations away before I go back to school next Monday.

But enough about that. I promised to share our trip to Cabo. Dh took a gazillion pictures of everything so I won't bore you with all of those, but here are just a few.

The hotel wrote this in shells and flower buds. It was our 10 year.

The view from our patio. The cabana beds cost $85 dollars a day. We didn't rent one.

The main pool from our patio. The water was warm like a bath.

This is the lobby. They sprayed all of the hard surfaces with lavendar. Dh says he wants the house to smell like that. Santa put lavendar spray in his stocking.

This is the view down from the lobby. There is water that trickles everywhere. It is very peaceful.

The headboard on the bed lit up. It was kind of neat, but really bright.

The rock formation behind us is called El Arco. It is very famous. Yes it was quite chilly on the boat. Actually it was chillier that we thought it was going to be. Who knew?!?!

There must be 20 pictures of this sunset. We were staying on Sunset Beach. One second the sun would be there. Then you would turn and say something and it would be gone. Crazy.

Flamingos are really ugly. And their knees go backward.

I really need to lose some weight. That starts on the second.

He's really not as cool as he thinks he is.

The waves were probably 10 feet at some points. We went out to get pictures and they were little. We couldn't swim in the ocean where we were staying because the riptide and undercurrents are so bad we would be in Hawaii now.

Happy Holidays

2006-12-27T09:50:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of the holidays, I wanted to share one picture of Cabo.

My dearest husband--

He swears they're kimono dragons. I just roll my eyes.

I don't know what he was doing. Crazy man.

3.72

2006-12-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

That is my GPA for this semester. 2 A's, 2 A-'s and 1 B+. I ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sooooo smart.

We returned from Cabo late on the 21st and with Christmas looming I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

I did not sit in a cabana--It costs $85 for the day. I did not get trashed. I knew I wouldn't. I've never been trashed.

Pictures are coming. My dh loves to take pictures, but I have to get through Christmas and finish being Santa first.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Anyone want to go with me?

2006-12-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

I have finished finals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure that is enough exclamation points.

Today was my 10 year anniversary. There are days I can't believe it has been that long, and then I think about all we have been through (losing a baby, all of his traveling, a year in Iraq, etc.) and it seems like forever.

Saturday we are leaving for 5 days in Cabo San Lucas. Want to go? My plan is to sit under the cabana on the beach and get totally trashed. (No, wee man is not going.)

This is our hotel:

Now don't be jealous. I'll bring back pictures, but I'm keeping all the tequlia for myself.

Besides Queen, does anyone else want to come with?

Mwa Ha Ha

2006-12-07T17:10:00.000-05:00

Suckas!!!!!!!

I finished my Christmas shopping 18 days early.

How are you doing?

My own little pity party

2006-12-06T15:26:00.000-05:00

You have been warned. This is my pity party. You may feel free to roll your eyes if you like. I don't care. I need to vent.

Today was the last class day of the semester. I have 5 finals to take. The first is Saturday, I have 3 on Monday and my hardest will be Wednesday.

The Monday after Thanksgiving I had two projects due and the Wednesday after that a 5 page paper. I worked my butt off for a good amount of time in November on the two projects. Both of the professors for those classes wanted us to check our work as we went along so I couldn't wait until the last minute to do all the work. The week of Thanksgiving I worked on the projects Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday I spent with my family and Friday I went shopping. Saturday and Sunday it was back to the projects.

Business Analysis I had no real problem with except that I almost forgot to write the summary until Sunday afternoon.

The Accounting project was kicking my butt. I had to email a classmate to get his help. I finished the main part of the project Saturday. I worked on the rest of the project Sunday and finished it Sunday night. I knew the write up for the project was not the best it could be, but I was running out of time and I needed to print everything out for class the next day.

Today I received the grade for my Accounting project. I got a 75. Apparently when I printed out everything (you have to print out 2 copies of everything so you will have a copy when we go over it in class) I had paper everywhere. The printer ran out of ink. It was crazy. I just wanted to go to bed. In the end I stapled the wrong things together. Because of that, I lost 8 points off my grade.

That was the very last thing that happened in my school day. I got that grade. Talk about a buzz kill.

I work hard. I have never had to study very hard to get good grades and this accounting class has been very hard for me. I believe I will get a B in the class, but still. I worked hard on the project and got a C. I do the best I can to try and be perfect. (I'm a perfectionist.) I know I can't do everything right for my dh so I have stopped trying.

I feel like my family has given me very little support with my effort to go to school. They all talk about how easy my life is because I only go to school on Mondays and Wednesdays and I don't work. I don't feel important anymore. The studying and homework I do is hard work. I just want to feel appreciated and like what I do is important.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! That's better. See, I told you. My own little pity party.

OCD

2006-12-05T12:22:00.000-05:00

His clothes must be in the hamper before he goes to bed.
He must have clean hands at all times.
The ketchup cannot touch his french fries on the plate.
The most telling symptom:

His cars must be in a straight line. He calls it a choo-choo.

He gets his OCD honestly. His momma and dada are both OCD. And we are OK with that.

I thought I would share some picture with you.

He loves his momma.

He is my little model.

I promise, he has a bed.

2006-11-27T20:12:00.000-05:00

I just read a very interesting post over at Everything is Under Control. Make sure you read the post titled Wikipedian philosophy lessons. This dear lady has lost two babies to still birth and no one can tell her why. She lost them almost a year to the day a part. She has a beautiful son who is 4 years old.

When I lost Garrett everything I believed in was shaken to its foundation. I was brought up in a pastor's house. I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old. I knew all the Sunday School answers. When Garrett got sick I prayed. Everything I knew about prayer came back to me. I did everything I knew to do. I prayed specifically. I had the faith that God would heal my child. HE DIDN'T. I know it was not his will to heal him, but I don't know why. Were my prayers not enough. Were the prayers of all those praying nationwide not enough?

My best friend, Queen, lost her son to prematurity this past April. He was 6 and a half months old. People were praying for him, too. What happened?

I have said since Garrett died that I don't get prayer. I have listened to many explanations about prayer. I have read my Bible. I have asked for advice from dear friends. Queen finally understood where I have been coming from since we met.

The post I opened with pretty much sums up where I have been coming from for 3 years. I just wanted to be sure I shared her beautiful writing with you.

Thanksgiving?

2006-11-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

The last day of school before Thanksgiving was Monday. Finally some freedom. The problem? Two projects and homework due on Monday and a 6 page paper due Wednesday. Oh, and I had to start the process of getting a tooth crowned.

Needless to say, I spent quite a bit of time working on my projects. I was so frustrated with one of them that I had to e-mail one of the guys in my class and ask for help. It was supposed to be Thanksgiving break. I think someone forgot to tell my professors.

I did take time out to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. They all came to our house to eat and hang out. Someone should tell my brother that he is not allowed to change the time we eat next year.

Friday I went shopping with my nephews at a mall on the north side of town. The mall closest to our house is scary and the stores are all ethnic. I really loved the mall. There are all kinds of strip centers around the mall with stores and restaurants we don't have around here.

Saturday it was back to projects and homework.

Luckily, when the semester is over-December 13-we will be going to Cabo San Lucas for our 10 year anniversary. It can't come soon enough.

Interesting

2006-11-16T16:50:00.000-05:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
12
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Finally!!

2006-11-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

I'm a little slow, but when I figure things out I'm absolutely amazing.

See those links over there on the side? The ones you should click on at least once a week. Well, one of them is for Flickr. Click on that and you will see my little Halloween bear. And to think, you were waiting on me. Silly you.

My boys made it back from their trip. I almost died while they were gone. I was busy doing stuff, but when things calmed down at night I had too much time to think. I really missed wee man.

Those pictures are on photobucket. As soon as I finish this post I will try and put that link up. Hopefully you can see all of those pictures at once.

One more day

2006-11-08T21:16:00.000-05:00

I know I promised pictures, but I was busy packing for my boys to go visit the grandparents. No, I didn't go. I have to work Friday and I have a lot of homework.

Tomorrow my nephew comes home from Basic Training. GO ARMY!! I don't know if I will get the pictures posted tomorrow either. They will be on soon.

Think about me as I worry about my little boy a long way from me.

My friend over at preemiehood is going through a really rough time right now. Head on over and give her some encouraging words.

Thanks.

Dinner Time

2006-11-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

For most of my married life we have eaten out. Lunch and dinner. We don't do leftovers. We're weird like that. I can count on both hands the number of homemade meals I have made for my son (not including formula).

Here's the reason why we eat out so much. We used to blame it on time. That's not the case now. My dh is a very picky eater. A lot of people say that and really aren't, my husband is. He will even tell you this. To be fair, I am a bit picky, too. Just not as picky as he is. He does not allow his food to touch. He does not eat soup, casseroles, mashed potatoes, vegetables or fruits.

When we ate at home we cooked pasta (no sauce for him), tacos (just a little cheese for him), and just about any kind of chicken as long as it was baked. The only "vegetables" he eats are baked potatoes, green beans and corn. Oh, he eats hamburgers just the meat and the bun and cheese pizza, too.

So, for me to get anything decent without cooking two separate meals we started eating out regularly.

I tell you all of this to ask for your help. I want to start cooking at home now that I have the time. (Didn't I just post about not having any time?) I don't know what to cook for my lovely family. I need recipes and ideas. This is where you come in. I don't get a lot of comments. If you read my site and you don't mind, would you please tell all of your readers about my situation and ask for their help. Just send them over here and ask them to help me. (Em-This takes care of a post for one day in November. Just trying to help. :) )

I plan to go grocery shopping this weekend and start the cooking next weekend. Don't let me down.

Tomorrow or maybe Wednesday, pictures of my Halloween bear.

Time

2006-11-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

Why is it that just because I don't have a full time job, and by job I mean I don't leave the house everyday and go to some stuffy office and work for 8 hours then come home and bring home a paycheck, that everyone thinks I have all the time in the world?

I am taking a 14 hour load at school. I have a two year, who does go to daycare, but he's still busy when he's home. School is taking a lot more of my time then I thought it would. I spend most of the time I'm not at school studying.

Yesterday I told my mom that I was ready to decorate for Christmas. That's an odd statement for me. I don't like to decorate until Thanksgiving is over. She said it was because I had time to do it. She said this year I could decorate for her. I thought, you aren't the only one who has a busy life.

I feel bad sometimes because I think my husband gets upset that I don't do more around the house. I think he thinks I sit around all day and don't do anything. I do stuff. I clean, not to his liking, but I do clean. But most of my time is spent studying.

I just wish everyone didn't think I had this time just because I don't work full time. It's really hard on me.

Not enough time

2006-10-26T13:14:00.000-04:00

I am taking a Communications course in school this semester. This would be the second time I have taken this course because my current school says the class I took at my former school is not the same as their course. Bull! Same class.

One of the requirements of the course is to give an informative. On the first day of class the professor mentioned this and I instantly knew I wanted to speak about premature birth. It's very near and dear to my heart, why wouldn't I.

Today I gave that speech. Holy cow!!!! We only had 4-6 minutes to speak. There is too much information that people need to know to cut it down that much. I had to keep cutting things out, but I couldn't decide what important things to cut out. I showed the class a picture of our first born during the introduction. I rambled through the risk factors and the possible consequences of being premature. I almost ran out of time. At the end of the speech I explained that the picture was of my son and that my second born was also premature. (He was really preterm, but I didn't have time to explain the difference.)

I didn't look up very much. We were supposed to use outlines and mine became a crutch. I was mad at myself when I sat down. I didn't move around very much or use hand gestures very much. I was rather bummed. Plus, we don't get feedback right away, so I don't really know how I did.

The topic of prematurity is one of the most important things to me. Most people are not aware of how many people this impacts. They don't know that just because you don't have the risk factors that that doesn't mean you won't have a preemie. I feel like I cheated my audience. But more than that, I feel like I let down my angel.

I'm not sure some of you have seen him, so here is a picture when he was 2 days old and he wasn't sick.

No, really!!

2006-10-19T09:43:00.000-04:00

My husband said last night when I get sick I get really sick.

After we went to bed I had to get up because my stomach was cramping. I got pretty sick and didn't know what to do. I called Ken downstairs and talked to him about going to the hospital. Neither of us likes the close hospital and wee man was asleep. Finally, he offered to go to Wal-Mart and buy me some medicine.

I have the best husband in the world. He got up at 4:30 yesterday to go to work for a PT test, which he passed. He then fought through traffic to come home and take my nephew to work. The family went to a celebratory dinner since he passed his test. The best thing, after he went to bed and was asleep, he got up and went out in his J's and got his wife meds so she could get better and get some sleep.

I'm better this morning. He still got up at 5 to go to work. I wonder how he's doing.